Learn to lovingly detach.

While this sounds cold and selfish, it’s actually not. It’s putting someone else’s needs in front of yours and the only sustainable way that you can be there for the people in your life that constantly drain you.

The reality is, everyone is being tested, and a lot of people are having an extra hard time meeting their OWN needs. These people can be particularly challenging to be around, so we often tend to avoid them, which just perpetuates the problem, making them needier and more sensitive.

Because most of the people who read posts like these tend to be empaths, we eventually burn out. In our efforts to “be there”, we end up taking on their problems, prioritizing their needs at the expense of our own. We really care…. and want to help.

Until we don't. Then we are done, done, done, and instead of creating our own boundary, taking care of ourselves, we judge, blame, and argue. We resent them for “making us” feel this way. All silently of course because we want to avoid conflict.

Then we wonder why we are exhausted.

I’m here to tell you to be smarter than that. Be strategic. For EVERYONE’S sake. Give them what they need and move on. Figure out their formula, plug, and play. You co-created this situation and now you need to co-create your way out of it. This is your first step.

Ask yourself- which basic human need are they being starved of? What is the easiest, fastest way to meet this need?

Not sure?

A good guess right now would be significance (that they matter, are respected, have power) and certainty (predictability, routine, ability to avoid pain).

So next time you’re walking into a situation that has friction written all over it, plan ahead. Think of their most important needs and make them your mantra until the tension dissolves.

Yes, let them tell their story for the third time, listen to their advice like you have any intention of following it, applaud their ideas.

Or if you must,

Answer their questions with certainty, provide the “final details” that you know will change over at least three more times.

Approach these moments with intention and a solid plan, or you won’t make it ‘til dinner! This is not about being manipulative, it’s about being wise.